I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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