I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
