Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
