i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
