Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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