me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
my liver is dry heaving
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
