I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
