There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
