brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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