lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
