We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize