I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
