I must be too annoying 4 u.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
