I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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