Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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