Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
