he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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