just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
