I molested 6 butterflies tonight
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
