made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
