My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
