did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
