At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
