..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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