She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
