Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
