one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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