we're chasing vodka with high fives
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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