I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
