I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sext me about skeletons
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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