I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
