Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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