I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
