Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
