Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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