he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
