Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
