She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize