your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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