no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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