My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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