Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
