Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
