Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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