Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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