I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
