Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
