so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
