During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
