i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize