Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
