even my farts smell like vagina
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
