yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
