Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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