I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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