what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Is it because I queefed?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
