whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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