"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
