She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
