How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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