Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
