He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
