what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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