I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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