That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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