I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
