I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
