At least make sure they are 18
Why
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
