Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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