Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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