yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
