I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
