Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Your cock deserves a montage
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
