arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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