I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
