think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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