i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
