I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
