my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
