some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
