I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
