Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
