Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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