Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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