Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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