There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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