Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
