Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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