Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize