I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
