I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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