YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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