I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
