office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
