Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
