you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
