That's intense
I'm going to jail i love you
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
