I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
