My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
