It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
