This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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