god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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