I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
