Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
